The Glorious Kingdom of Syldavia
The Glorious Kingdom of Syldavia is the single greatest thing in the universe and anyone who attempts to deny this fact will suffer one (1) of the following: *Positional asphyxia *Having one's coccyx removed and implanted into one's brain *Being impaled with blunt objects *Having the tips of one's fingers removed and having the open wounds packed with rock salt and subsequently dipped in nail polish *Conflagration of the eyeballs *Being locked in a closet, forced to listen to "Come on Eileen" by Dexy's Midnight Runners constantly for approximately 2,643,237,832.274 millennia. The Glorious Kingdom of Syldavia was established in 2007. The Kingdom is responsible for the creation of the universe and for protecting you and your family from internet terrorism. The Kingdom fights terrorism by terrorizing the terrorists so they know not to terrorize others who are terrified of their terrorizations. The Glorious Kingdom of Syldavia stands against the anarcho-liberal faggotry that plagues the grid. It is here to bring tyranny unto those who feel Second Life is more than just a game. The Glorious Kingdom of Syldavia is ruled by Most Glorious King "Comrade" Leonid Lednev, who is also known for his generous blubber donations to the Japanese fishing industry which have saved the lives of over 217 whales. Glorious King Comrade Lednev has a pet whale named Martin, Lednev and Martin met in the Blake Sea, Martin had a toothache so Lednev attached Martin to the rigging on a research vessel and the tooth slowly ripped out of the Whale's mouth and blood spurted all over the place, the SLCG confused this for an illegal whaling operation and Lednev's vessel was fired upon so the Royal Syldavian Defense force bombed everything within a 90 sim radius of the confrontation in retaliation. Syldavia has unlimited money and therefore wastes it as much as possible on expensive construction projects such as a pole to space with a rubber chicken on top. Syldavia is vehemently opposed to the following: We stand against the following: Left Wing Ideologies Liberal Anarchy Furry Fandom Extreme Overt Faggotry Organized Faggotry Islam Mormanism Scientology The Peoples Republic of China Black "ghetto" Culture North Koreans Portuguese People Swedish people (they don't talk right) Fire Hydrants Power Outages Double Sided Tape Pink Lemonade Bill Maher French Cucumber Sandwhiches Uninhibed Faggotry Twinkies Krystal Burgers Aluminum Baseball Bats "Hip Hop 2: The Final Jam" Cosmoline Sears Scented Liquid Hand Soaps Regular Bathing Cupons Multiple Remote Controls Mermaids Keys locked in your car Wolf Blitzer Nasal Spray Camel Fetuses Rhode Island Socialists Communists Desalation Plants Splenda Kate Plus Eight Potting Soil Donating Organs Teapartiers Democrats Republicans Tea Parties TLC Scottish People ( you can't understand what the fuck they're saying) Horse Fucking Large Fur Tits Necromancers Necrophiliacs Nekkophiliacs Chattanooga Tenessee People named Lauren Ellen Degeneres American Idol Taco Salad Bisexual People Wood Structure Buildings Wood poles that hold up any structure French Presses Aliens Febreeze Asian Lesbians Asian Porn Stars Fat Daron Malakian Star Wars Conventions Comicon August Fat women who drive small cars FAT WOMEN Smart cars Ford Trucks Double Sided Pencils the fat women that ride the electric shopping carts at walmart just because they're too lazy to walk (only fat men have a right to do that) Old people with Mohawks Pineapples that aren't reverse engineered Casting Mooman GAYDIATION Airsoft Guns People with uncapitalized Names SPELLING AND GRAMMER POLICE Opera Bubba the Love Sponge (THAT'S RIGHT DICKHEAD WE SPELLED GRAMMAR WRONG. WHAT ARE YOU GOING TO DO ABOUT IT?) Oprah Roseanne Justin Bieber Halo: Reach When "soldiers" in war movies walk around with their finger on the trigger of their rifle Syldavians are united in favor of: Syldavia also is in support of: Converting everyone into a Syldavian KILLING MAKING HATS OUT OF FURRIES McDonalds Starbucks Fat men Rubber Tires Beards Cheerios Hydraulic acutators Political incorrectness JIHAD! Serj Tankian THE TRUE CROSS OF JESUS CHRIST Slaczek Vodka Stephen Colbert Destroying the world and making a new planet out of solid titanium Smashing aircraft carriers into other things as a military tactic Tasering nutsacks Confiscating sauerkraut Opie and Anthony Jimmy Norton Cocaine Selling opium to infidels Pawn Shops Sarah Chalke Kirsten Dunst Pocket Watches Lighthouses that shoot lasers at boats Howard Stern Deer fermentation Ron Paul The King Schmaltz Bagel Hour John Stossel Sharks with lasers strapped to their heads Steve McQueen White Castle ALCOHOL Ron and Fez Wayne's World Chevy Chase SCIENCE! The bombings of Hiroshima and Nagasaki The firebombing of tokyo Giant robots that aren't transformers or mechs Boobies Annoying sound generation devices (not to be confused with Justin Bieber) Meat and Potatoes Fire hoses that shoot out loose stools Keanu Reeves Laurence Fishburne (He did good in everything but CSI:) Unibrows Shaving with hunting knives Maynard James Keenan Joseph McCarthy Christopher Meloni Christopher Lloyd Clint Eastwood Skinny Daron Malakian Sgt. Barber Bill Dauterive Lieutenant Dan Rusty Schakelford Lieutenant Dan's ice cream cone Jimmy Dean Sausages Jimmy Dean Microwave Biscuits Microwaves Hot sauce Honey Garlic Sauces BBQ IHOP (except the one in Vero Beach, FL) Sweet and sour sauce from McDonalds Waffle House High Speed Interceptors ROFLCOPTERS Highways whose speed limits are enforced by aircraft The guy who threw a shoe at Justin Bieber Christopher Walken The Browning Automatic Rifle Revolvers Plasmaless weapons M67 Grenades All Syldavians are protected by the power of the TRUE CROSS OF JESUS CHRIST, which by the GRACE OF ALLAH shines the HOLY LIGHT upon ALL THOSE who MAy BasK WITHIN IT. ALLAH SMILES UPON ALL SYLDAVIANS AND WOULD LIKE TO REMIND YOU TO STROKE THE HOLY PREPUCE AND GIVE JESUS ALL YOUR DAMN MONEY. Many Syldavians follow Gordism, which is the greatest religion in the universe. Gord, Allah, and Jesus came to Glorious King Comrade Lednev in a dream and told him to write THE LAW, which is THE LAW of Syldavia, IN THE NAME OF THE FATHER, THE SON, AND THE HOLY SPIRIT, IN JESUS' NAME AMEN. THE LAW: 03 November, 2010 Syldavian Law as Stated by Syldavian Government - NO internal violence between Syldavians with the exception of agreed internal violence between all parties. - NO real or simulated fur with the exception of fur hats is allowed inside any Syldavian government building or any building designated with a "No 'Furry' Allowed" sign. Ref. to Furry Regulations for further information �� - NO Yiffing - By definition sexual acts performed by 'furry' type persons. - Pokemon and related materials are banned within the borders of Syldavia. - No communists or communism allowed within the borders of Syldavia. - NO Syldavian citizen will harass or attack any of our neighbors unless attacked first by them in a way that would justify a response. - If you are here for BDSM, you will be thrown into a pit of fire. - NO sombreros; anyone with a sombrero will have it confiscated or killed upon refusal to surrender said sombrero. - Catfacing is prohibited. - WEAR SOME FUCKING CLOTHING WE DON'T WANT TO SEE YOUR GOD DAMN E-TITS. - If you have a complaint, please submit it to the complaint desk. You will then be shot in the face. - Only rich people are allowed to use the elevators in the government buildings. - All personal, commercial or industrial computers inside Syldavian borders are prohibited to run Windows Vista or Windows 7 operating systems. - Refrying of anything is illegal; though items may be fried once they cannot be fried two or more times. It is however permitted to bake, toast, microwave, grill or light on fire previously once fried items. - All stargates are illegal contraband. - Anyone with high prim count, attachments or objects, will be killed. High prim count is defined in this document as 500 or more prims. Exception to this law includes Syldavian ministry officials and Royal Syldavian Defense Force members. - All Syldavian citizens must be as wasteful as possible with local natural resources, though it is not illegal to recycle foreign resources, once they are recycled they must be wasted. - 'Gay looking' mustaches are not permitted inside Syldavian borders. "Gay looking' is a term that can be defined by any Syldavian offical and is not to have a fixed definition. - All Syldavian citizens must hate Russia and it's government. Anyone not hating Russia and it's government will be labeled as traitors to Syldavia. - Pamplemousse must be eaten with every breakfast. - Gay abortions are mandatory. - Everyone must buy vodka from our vodka vending machines. Violators will be forced at gunpoint to purchase vodka. - Blending of dried meats is not permitted on Thursdays after 15:00 hours. - All coffee consumed on Syldavian soil must be drank in a chugging fashion. - Parking laws; only high ranking Syldavian officials may own and park vehicles on the roadside. Even the allowed parked vehicles may be removed at the owner's expense. - Any Syldavian citizen may kill threats to Syldavia as stated by Syldavian Government; the Kingdom of Syldavia is established as a neutral power, any threat will be killed only for the purpose of the defense of the nation. - Arguing with Syldavian ministry officials will result in public execution by a giant blender (when available). - NO transport of anything the color red in or out of Syldavian borders. Exception to red transport laws apply to biological pathogen containers, cases of Dr. Pepper, Syldavian uniform parts, red ties only if worn by government officials and laser sights. - Every man must smoke reefer constantly while in Syldavian borders. - Do not push people, pushing is not nice and you can get shot in the left testicle. - It is illegal to drive a vehicle with a blood alcohol content of less than 0.2%. - NO Mikemoos - Give Neil all your damn money. - Everybody has to speak fucking english. These laws are in place for the well being of all Syldavians. Anyone seen violating any law stated here will be shot on site regardless of what the penalty says there. I can't think of anything else to put in this article because I did not smoke enough illicit drugs therefore I will conclude with PAMPLEMOUSSE!